Sorry, Batman, This Luxury Lifestyle Brand Is All About Bruce Wayne
Let me put it plainly: Generally, more people are interested in the superhero Batman than his alter-ego, extremely rich white person Bruce Wayne. It’s why there are more action figures of Batman sold than toys of a guy in a tuxedo. Hell, even Batman prefers Batman over Bruce Wayne, performing as his secret identity just long enough to keep his superherofunding coming in. But now, it’s poor billionaire Bruce who will finally catch a break thanks to Uncrate’s new line of luxury clothes, accessories, and other expensive stuff for would-be members of Gotham City’s one percent.
The Hollywood Reporter broke the news about Wayne Enterprises, the name of the line. Here are just some of the things the series will include as per the article:
- Suede lace-up boots by Danner
- Kevlar jeans by Nashville-based denim label Imogene + Willie
- Structured wool jacket withfaux fur collar by Rogue Territory
- Handmade sunglasses by Barton Perreira
- Timepieces by Bell & Ross
- A watch winder from Kross Studio
- Patricks anti-aging skincare and aluminum-free deodorants
- Pre-workout and wellness supplements from Asystem
- Luxe gym equipment by Fysik
- Leather boxing gloves and punching bags by Modern Vintage Player
- Protein powders by Ascent
“Our guiding motto is that… this is something that Wayne Enterprises would put out to make Batman a better Batman,” said Robert Oberschelp, the pithily titled Warner Bros. Consumer Products SVP of Global Franchise Management & Global Brand Product. Just think about that for a second. Then limber your brain up so it can do the mental gymnastics necessary to figure out how “a watch winder” can make Batman be a better Batman, at least on those evenings he’s not fighting Clock King.
These goods will become available over at Uncrate on Thursday, September 22, but there’s no way of knowing how much these items will cost until then. Given that the entire point of the line seems to cater solely to super-wealthy Bat-fans in need of the nerdiest glow-up ever, I think we can safely assume these goods will likely range from “prohibitively expensive” to “seriously, the only way I can afford this would be if I robbed a bank, during which I would probably be beaten up by Batman, and thus the cycle of crime, poverty, and punishment continues.”
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